Unison Parenting Blog: Your Child's Love Tank

One of the most important things we can do as parents is to tend to our child's "love tank." Imagine it like the gas tank on our car. Sometimes we're really aware of how full it is, but sometimes we forget or ignore it, and then the little yellow warning light comes on.

Your child's warning light isn't so obvious. Sometimes it triggers as rebellion, or neediness, or some other negative behavior. Sometimes it looks like depression.

Just like with our car, we must tend to the "love tank" and make sure it's getting filled and refilled.

This is hard to do for a parent that employs a style that is light on love to begin with. The dominant parent (as I wrote about recently) withholds love and expresses it primarily through the vehicle of discipline. The neglectful parent is too preoccupied with other things to think about the child's needs. In both cases, a dramatic change is required to intentionally and clearly express love on a frequent basis.

For the other two parenting styles, it's a matter of awareness. The firm-but-loving parent and the permissive parent have every intention of giving love but may get distracted or may be unaware of how their child signals for love.

A child's love tank may be filled in numerous ways; the best would align with their love language(s). Whether it's physical touch, time spent together, affirming words, acts of service, or gift giving, or some combination of the above, a parent has many options to add fuel to children's love tanks.

The key is awareness and consistency. Personally, I try to fill my car's gas tank when it gets to 1/4 full, so I'm frequently looking at it, but even I will occasionally forget and have to be helped by the indicator. Likewise, a parent's best option is not to let their child's love tank drain, but to be pouring love into it on a regular basis.