A question to an advice columnist triggered me. The advice seeker wanted to know what to do in a restaurant if a child is screaming or acting up at a nearby table. Among other ideas, the columnist suggested sending a cookie to the child.
That made me wonder how the scenario would really play out. I have some ideas for the parents of that cookie-receiving child. I will divide them into two posts.
In this blog, I will talk about how parents make decision in unusual situations in front of the children.
In Saturday's Further Insights post, I will talk more specifically about what to do with this cookie that has arrived.
When parents are put on the spot and have to make quick decisions in unusual situations, sometimes in front of the children, how can they remain in unison?
Let's divide into high consequence and low consequence situations. For high consequence situations, I recommend acquiring a copy of my book, "Unison Parenting," which spends an entire chapter on a technique called Reactive Parenting. Receiving a cookie from an annoyed restaurant guest is low consequence by comparison.
I'll save discussion of the actual cookie until Saturday. I only want to talk about generic process now.
Assuming multiple parenting partners are present, quick communication is key. Thinking out loud is not a bad idea. Try not to make it a big issue between the parents; remember, the decision is low consequence. In many cases, the decision itself does not have to be quick. Remember that a "no" is more easily turned into a "yes" than vice-versa. Get through it and review the experience later in private. Undo any harm or the decision itself if you want to and if it is still possible.
If only one parent is present, it's best to make the decision, then share the situation and decision as soon as possible to other parenting partners. Evaluate together what the best response should have been, and have some forgiveness when the parent-on-the-spot made the wrong decision. Treat it as a learning situation, and remember, it's low consequence. Annoying, perhaps, but not the end of the world.
I'll get back around to that dangling, delicious cookie on Saturday.
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