Unison Parenting Blog: The Most Damaging Parenting Style

"You don't need reasons. Just do what I say."

That's one of the phrases that emerges from the mouth of a dominant parent. Dominance is one of the four parenting styles I share in my book, "Unison Parenting." Without a doubt, it is the most ominous style since its short-term results look attractive and successful, but the long-term results can be quite damaging.

A dominant parent goes light on love but hard on boundaries, rules, and discipline. Moreover, such a parent basically treats the child as if they are incapable of independent thought or action. For example, if the child shares an idea, this parent might even say, "Who told you that?"

The dominant parenting style is all about the child's compliant behavior. If the parent has to bully the child to attain the desired behavior, so be it. On the other hand, while the dominant parent might say, "Of course they know I love them, because I want what's best for them," an honest child of a dominant parent might hold quite the different viewpoint.

In the short run, the child is suppressed into model behavior. This achieves the parent's aims and, in fact, looks good from an external perspective. The child may act like a model child, putting on a happy face and doing exactly what the parent desires.

In the long run, such children are the lowest in self-esteem when compared to the children of other parenting styles. They are most likely to become a rebel or a prodigal; they are like jack-in-the-boxes ready to pop when they leave home. That explosion may play out in different ways, from risky behavior to self-harm. They go around feeling unloved because, well, parental love was not clearly expressed and demonstrated to them.

Unfortunately, some dominant parents were dominated themselves, and this is the only way they know to parent. So the harsh cycle continues through generations.

As with all aspects of parenting, introspection on parenting style requires humility, maturity, and determination. If you suspect you may match what I've described, I encourage you to evaluate yourself and your family dynamics thoroughly with an openness to change.

For more detail on the critical topic of the four parenting styles, I urge you to pick up a copy of my book, "Unison Parenting." You can find it through online booksellers or via my website, UnisonParenting.com.