When our children are young, it seems like we want a background check of everyone who comes into contact with them to ensure they're not kidnappers or abusers. I'll have more to say in next week's blog about trusting your younger child with other parents. But I want to start on the older end and whether to trust other parents with your teen.
While we may be uber-protective when our children are young, it's easier in many ways than the teen years, when the possibilities are varied and nuanced. Some of the differences:
Greater geographical variance - High schools cover a wider area than elementary schools.
Greater mobility - If your teen is driving, they can potentially go anywhere. If they're not, a driving friend could take them anywhere.
More options and consequences for trouble - Kidnapping and abuse concerns remain, but now you worry about pregnancy, drugs/alcohol, criminal activity - all on the part of your teen, those around them, or even other teens' parents.
Less knowledge about friends' parents - In the younger years, you know most adults with whom your child will interact. You may even get to be friends. Knowing other parents becomes more difficult during the teen years because of distance and also less accessibility; it's less common to hang out with them at a practice, for example.
In summary, your teen can get into more trouble at the homes of people you don't know.
Should you trust the other parents? Not implicitly. You don't have much insight into the environment your teen will enter.
Two quick tips are to talk to parents yourself and to ask your teen. You might ask the parents about their environment, their philosophy about teens, their family background, etc. Also, ask your teen about their friend and what they know of the friend's family. If they have visited before, ask them what the household is like.
Unison Parenting delves deeper into this discussion in the framework section called Attentive Parenting. Check it out for more details and more guidance.
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