I used to know a sex educator who provided workshops to churches. My favorite idea from him: question-based sex education.
We may think that we must have "the talk" with our child when they reach a certain age. The question-based method suggests an ongoing discussion, driven by the child's questions.
Kids are curious about where babies come from, the changes in their own body, things they hear on the street. It's likely your child has questions that you can attempt to answer. Here is the procedure:
The child asks a question or makes a statement indicating their confusion.
You ask if they want to know the answer.
If yes, answer only the question they’ve asked. Of course, there are many layers and background on sexual topics. But answer the question succinctly at a basic level.
Wait for or invite them to ask more questions. Repeat from step 1.
When they run out of questions, assure them that you are always available to talk about such topics, and they should always feel free to ask.
Don’t overload the child with information. Even the sex educator made this mistake; he told his kids too much, and because they didn’t get it, they had to ask the same questions years later. Only give them what they are asking, as that is what they can handle at their age. Obviously, an older child will be able to handle more.
If you're starting this process with an older child, invite them to ask difficult questions whenever they want, and you will do your best to answer them. Assure them that there are no stupid or inappropriate questions. Promise to do research if necessary. Tell them your door is always open.
Under this system, the “talk” is replaced by dialogue. Feel free to answer across genders, if you're able. After some Q&A in earlier years, our daughter came to me when she reached the tween years. I could answer some questions, but for others, I said, "Here's my understanding, but Mom is going to be the best source." But how great is it that we had dialogue where she felt safe to ask me questions and to follow up with her mother?
Question-based sex education doesn't just address curiosity. It builds trust and relationship between parent and child.
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