Unison Parenting Blog: Peers - Pressure or Pleasure?

Unless your child is an absolute loner, they will have peers and at least one peer group. Peers can apply pressure, be a pleasure, or both.

Basic facts: peer groups have influence on their members. These may be positive or negative influences. The influence comes through modeling and their peer pressure to conform to the norm.

We typically label peer pressure as "bad," but let's consider for a moment positive peer pressure. I'll give an example from my high school days. A girl I'll call "Darlene" was a bit of a bad girl. She would sometimes hang around with a rowdy crowd and get into some mild trouble. I noticed at some public social events that Darlene would intentionally come around my well-behaving peer group. Darlene eventually admitted that when she was tempted, "I hang out with you so I can avoid doing bad things. But I still have a really fun time."

That's positive peer pressure of conforming to the norm. Ideally, you want your child to not only find positive peer groups but perhaps even set the standard in the group. Jesus told us to be the light of the world; it's a verse we should coach in our children.

To flip to the negative side, the problem with peer pressure is when the group norm is shown to be different from what your child has learned to be right and wrong. Research regarding Instagram showed that teen brains reacted differently to images that were socially acceptable and to those not socially acceptable; in other words, the teens knew right from wrong.

But a conflict arose in their brains when they saw a negative image, and yet it was Liked. This is the model for any kind of aberrant behavior; the approval of the wrong erodes their behavior and social norms.

Don't overlook the value of role-playing scenarios with your child. Discuss what pressure or conflict they feel, and practice ways for them to address it.

I believe the proven collaborative parenting model in Unison Parenting can set the tone for dealing with peer pressure. Parents and child can have a more open dialogue about boundaries and standards, as well as discussing how to be a positive influence on others.