By Cecil Taylor
In my initial post, I presented the framework of the Choices Chart (the 7 C's) to guide child behavior. I promised to show an instance where parents could address new situations through the lens of the Choices Chart framework.
The 7 C's (Chores, Cleanliness, Courtesy, Caring, Conforming, Church, Classwork) are both defined and flexible, allowing parents to refer to it as a guide when encountering various kinds of behavior.
Let's take a classic case that parents frequently ask about: use of phones at various times, such as dinner. The child's behavior can be addressed in terms of the choice of Courtesy. The conversation goes like this:
Parent: "Please put the phone away. It's not courteous to use it at the dinner table."
Child: "I don't get it. My generation doesn't think it's discourteous."
Parent: "One thing to understand about courtesy is that it can be perceived differently by different people. You'll be around a number of people in an older generation that see it as rude, because it seems like you are disconnecting from the conversation and therefore disrespecting them. That's why using your phone at dinner is defined as a discourteous choice."
This can lead to further discussion about places where phones can and cannot be used, and about situations where courtesy can be perceived differently depending on age, culture, or geography.
In our family, we had rules about TV and phones at the dinner table. If the entire family of five was present, or a parent was present in a smaller grouping, TV and phones were not allowed. If only a couple of people ate together, for example, they could decide whether they wanted to use TV and phones during the meal, as long as everyone agreed. In practice, TV and phones were often but not always permitted in such situations.
As you can see, the framework allows flexibility to expand enforcement of rules and consequences. However, you can also use flexibility to reduce rules while adhering to the main principles.
For more on the 7 C's, please pick up a copy of my "Unison Parenting" book, available at Store.CecilTaylorMinistries.com or at various online and physical bookseller
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